I’m writing from my hotel room in Saskatoon. Milo and I flew here last week for him to have surgery on his liver shunt. The surgery was on Thursday and he was supposed to come home today, but there were complications. Hopefully he’s released tomorrow. today was very scary. It started with the concern he would need a second surgery! A scan showed he didn’t…but the waiting for the results really freaked me out and all I could think was of the worst case.
This has been tiring and stressful. Being alone in the hotel makes me feel lonely. I went out and had a pedicure yesterday and chatted with a girl and it help me remember there’s tons of people out there living their lives, with their own issues. It’s hard to be alone in a strange city. I feel sorry for myself!
This afternoon I had some strange thought that anyone else would be having drinks in their room. That it would be a way to pass the time and dull the worry. The thought was so strong….
Instead I took a nap. I am tired. My brain is tired. Between work, where things are constantly changing and I feel very undervalued, Milo, who seems so helpless and who I am so attached to, travelling and being in a hotel, the cost of all this and just taking care of everything….I’m fried. I wanted to escape.
The nap helped. Then I ate. Had a shower. Watched my team lose the hockey game (go flames go). I message a few friends and told them I was worried. It all became manageable. I know drinking will never be the answer for me (or anyone). It doesn’t fix anything…it just defers the problems and stress. And maybe adds to it.
I am saying a little prayer that Milo has a goodnight and tomorrow he gets out of the hospital! If you have a minute please send him good vibes. He’s my little dude!
Stillness and peace