It’s Monday. How was your weekend?
Are you sitting at your desk wishing the weekend had gone differently? Puffy, tired looking and maybe slightly hungover still?Angry with yourself that you drank AGAIN. That all your plans for not drinking, going to the gym and eating healthy went out the weekend as soon as someone offered you a glass of wine?
Because, hey…you deserve it. You work hard and volunteer and take care of everyone else and give give give. A little wine is your treat. It’s not like you are an alcoholic drinking on a park bench. You are ok. You are fine.
I remember so many Monday’s like this. My resolve to quit drinking/moderate would be strong. My anxiety would be high. My hands would be puffy and I looked old. And I felt oh so tired.
But then Friday would roll around and I would feel better and the call to drink would be strong. Everyone else drinks. It’s FUN. life is meaningless without fun….Plus, my husband drank, so screw it. I will too. I have a job, House, nice kids, expensive trips.
And so the cycle continues. Drink, regret, drink, regret. With lots of days of not drinking in there, showing myself I didn’t have a problem. It crushed my soul. All that denial and lying to myself.
The alternative is quite amazing, simple but hard. It requires you to not drink today…and to repeat that same cycle indefinitely. You don’t need to think about it too much. Just say no whenever the option of drinking comes up.
If it’s hard, find some help. Maybe the help is online and you make a plan to avoid social situations for a while and cocoon in your house and let yourself begin to heal.
If that doesn’t work maybe you seek out Aa and suck it up and swallow your pride and go see what they offer. You will be welcomed and you may just find a deep connection to others that you have been searching for all your life.
Or maybe you call an addictions therapist and consider outpatient or inpatient treatment. Treatment is not just for the “worst” drunks. It can be the break a person needs to get an otherwise successful life back on track. And it is a huge brave show of self compassion.
And then one day you will realize life is truly more fun sober. Your kids will have a newfound respect for you, your work performance might improver, or, if not, you might just like your job more. Things will seem simpler. Maybe you will find a new outlook on life and will realize that alcohol might have been fun in your 20s, but a drunk middle aged woman (or man) is not cute or attractive.
And then weekend can be spent have real fun. I spent this past weekend with my daughter at a comic expo. She loves all that and I was there to help her explore her passion. Warning…she’s creepy.
So. My Monday is awesome. Yes, I am at work. Yes, I may have eaten way too much crap this weekend. But I am sober, clearheaded and looking ahead with optimism.
You can too. End the cycle of addiction today. Take a hard step.
Stillness and peace