More love

I drove my son to university this week. He’s taking engineering at my Alma mater. Is it in 8 Hour Dr. away.

In Calgary he staying with his dad. Dad has a self contained basement suite just for him. Although They have had minimal contact since his dad moved out in 2018, cooper decided that this offer was right for him. Is a good choice as Cooper is very frugal. LOL. I have saved for his university and he knows his financial situation. He can afford to live alone if this doesn’t work out.

His dad currently lives with his girlfriend and their son, who is 18 months old. I remember when Craig told me he was having another baby. I was so worried my kids would feel replaced by this new baby. This Distressed me greatly. I was so upset at my kids now having a sibling who is in no way related to me…that they might never know. This caused me so much stress and heartache…and was part of what led to my breakdown in 2019. I hated Craig for doing this then. Hated.

Coop moved in over the last few days. During these days the baby baby was sick and unhappy. He had his 18 month shots and they obviously gave him a little reaction. Cooper and I tried to make as little noise as possible to not disturb the baby.

On the third day he was feeling better And went out into the backyard and Cooper and I went out to meet him and his mom, who neither of us have ever ever met. It was definitely an odd situation, to be sitting on the deck chatting with my son, my ex, his gf and their baby.

The baby looks like my son. And he is an adorable toddler. The mom was nice and said she would keep an eye on Cooper.

I suddenly realized that this baby just adds more love to my sons life. He now has another brother. This isn’t a negative. This is only a gift. It doesn’t take anything away from us.

I can’t say how this perspective came about. or why. I just was overcome with the realization that everything was exactly as it is supposed to be, and that this baby wasn’t hurting Cooper at all…or me….he was just a little boy playing out in the sun.

Perhaps it was seeing it in real life that washed away all my old protective worries and pain. I can’t guard my children’s hearts…that is a tough realization for a parent. And, even more vital, I DIDN’T NEED TO. Cooper is able to do that for himself.

Craig and I were together for 25 years. Half my life. I still love him as a person and only want good things for him in his life.

I cherish my independence and love being single. I love living life my way. I can honestly say I have come to a point where I am thankful for the suffering that has given me this new perspective.

I wouldn’t have chosen it, but, like the gift of enlightenment that came from sobriety, I am willing to accept the grace that results.

Stillness and peace


11 thoughts on “More love

  1. Anne, please accept my huge hug right now. I am so inspired by you, proud of you and I think you’re awesome! I know this gift of enlightenment came with much difficulty, but you are amazing!! I hope many people who are hurting for various reasons see your post and are inspired to do all the personal development work etc. that you have done in order to get to this place of peace in your life. You show, by how you write and live your life, that it is all possible….I’m applauding you from here – a standing ovation! Thanks for being YOU and for sharing….hugs

    1. Thank you.
      Seeing this as a gift has lifted my worries and sadness of leaving Cooper at university.
      So unexpected.
      On my drive home I listened to Wayne dyer, who I love. He reminded me over and over that everything is a gift. Sometimes we just don’t see it.
      All I could do was nod in agreement.

      1. I love Dr. Wayne Dyer so what a smart choice to listen to on your drive home. Good for you! Keep the gratitude and find the blessings at each and every turn. I’m happy to read this!

  2. Reading it brought tears to my eyes. “This is only a gift.” Yes yes yes, this is all there is. I’m guessing those days were a gift also to your ex and his girlfriend. Your stillness and peace allowed this new understanding to emerge.

  3. This is an amazing post, Anne. So beautiful…. yes, reading this brought tears to my eyes as well. You showed us what’s possible…. thank you.🙏

  4. Absolutely beautiful post and I am so happy you have been able to find this perspective. The longer I am sober and the more challenges that life throws my way, the more I realise that how we choose to perceive something is so very important to our happiness and peace. We can dwell and linger on what brings us anxiety and hurt, or we can accept and then let go of old perceptions and discover the gifts that are there. You are inspiring Anne and I just know Cooper is so proud of you.
    Hugs and love 💕

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