The judge signed my divorce. It is over. 25 years.
I’m very sad and have cried many tears since I got the email on Friday. I knew it was coming…and it fills me with a crazy mix of relief, anger, resentment and resignation…
I look back at our wedding picture and I know I didn’t expect things to end this way. Of course, I also didn’t foresee any of our other struggles. I didn’t expect I would ever be sober. Be a mom. Be a yoga teacher. And I expect today there are many more things ahead of me that I haven’t even thought of!
I returned to work oct 9 and have been enjoying it. I feel settled in my skin. I am enjoying my independence and I have no interest in dating. I like having my time to myself and the kids and I are enjoying life. Things are very good.
I think I need to grieve for these few days. If I don’t let these tears out they will weigh me down. I’m not scared of them. They feel well earned, not self destructive. I’m always worried to be sad…depression seems much too possible…but not right now, if that makes any sense.
I don’t regret marrying Craig. I had some great times and the two kids are worth any painful ending. I wish he could see that he has abandoned his kids when he moved away, and just how shitty and unfair to them that is for them. I wish he could fix that. But I know he can’t…or won’t…so I will make sure I love them enough for two parents.
This is what life is about right now!
Thank you all for your unending love and support. This year has been the most absolutely shocking, painful and unexpected. I have found new friends in the most unexpected places.
No matter how hard this drama has been, I am absolutely sure that staying sober has been the best choice I could have ever made. It is choosing me. It is choosing love. And it is choosing life. I don’t doubt that one bit.
Stillness and peace