Hello!
I stopped in to say thank you all for your lovely thoughts.
The bleakness of depression has lifted. I hand many days of tears and sadness. I also changed my medication. Many love,y friends asked me for coffee and I went. Every single one of those people reminded me that I have so much love in my life. I just need to ask for it. And share mine back with them.
Together those things have worked to bring me back to where I can see some stillness and peace.
Along the way came another big blow. Craig is having a baby with his new girlfriend. A baby.
He is 48 and not even divorced yet. And he decided to do this with another employee who works for the same company as both of us. Sometimes I think his actual goal here is to humiliate and belittle me.
But, What it did was shine a light into my heart that showed that there was a small piece that was still holding on to hope that he would realize his mistake, beg for forgiveness, prove to me and the kids that he needed us and life would return to normal. After all…weren’t we worth it? Weren’t we worth some grovelling and missing?
Funny…that small bit of hope was fighting with the rest of my heart that wants me to see my freedom. That knows getting divorced was the right decision and that I could never live with someone is didn’t trust or respect. This part of me wants to reacquaint myself with Anne. To be me.
So. I have cried more and grieved and gently let go of that last piece of hope that things could be different than they are.
And you know what? It feels right. The anxiety is lessened. The future looks bright.
I think I now feel a bit of sympathy for him. 48 and a new baby? No thank you. I plan on retiring in 8 years. I guess he will be working a lot longer than me! Lol
And the kids have found their own interest in the idea of a sibling. This included anger, tears, heart wrenching sadness that they were not enough to keep their father happy (I can only say it takes everything in me to not hate craig for creating that thought) and acceptance. It’s only been a few days, but I can see that they will both be ok.
We will all be ok. Hopefully even craig, the gf and the baby.
Thank you for being there for me! The saga continues.
Stillness and peace,
Anne
ainsobriety 
Glad to hear, Anne. I think I understand how this news must feel. Craig and Roger, etc. Just turning the page. Love to your kids xxx
OH.MY…….But glad you are out of the depression. (((((Hugs)))))💜💜💜
This news gave me chills all through. I felt with you all the way. You describe it so well. Sometimes people do devastating, irresponsible things. It’s usually because they are ill. I am happy for you that you are officially set free. I wish the best for all, as you do Anne. You’re a trooper, and your attitude is already growing lotuses in the mud.
He sounds like a man that doesn’t think very far ahead. You deserve far better. So glad to hear you’re feeling better and broke through that wall of depression.
Wow. So glad Anne you are starting to rise from all of this. You are just amazing and your soul is smiling on how you’ve handled it all. I must say you are a true model for me on how to grow and transcend using love 💗
Anne I was so happy to see my notification today that you had posted. I have been worried about you and now I can see why you have been absent. Sending you a huge hug and to let you know I totally understand. Not turning this into me but my ex left me guaranteed to never have children and yet the lady that he was having the affair with when I left (there was others) got pregnant not long after I left and they now have 2 children. Often life doesn’t seem at all fair but I say for both of us it was a lucky escape and their now partners are welcome to them. ❤
So very glad your depression lifted. Thanks for letting us know about this new bombshell…. wow! It’s so nuts that it’s obvious, to a person without a heart in that game, that it’s about him, which I think you know (re: the “humiliate us” comment) but thought I’d say anyway. I feel for your kids, too, but am grateful they’ve got the very real, sane, and sober you for guidance and processing and helping them set a healthy tone. I hope that a marvelous little surprise of a gift passes your way today. Like a smiling little tree frog or something 🙂 hugs, Adrian
You have risen above this. You are the winner here. My God, Ive recently turned 50 and my children are 20 and 21 and yet I still remember those sleepless nights, the crying, the exhaustion, the chaos a young child brings to a relationship. You just keep watering your own garden and don’t bother looking over the fence at his … his grass is not greener and it’s about to shrivel up and go all crusty! Katie x
This line “Hopefully even craig, the gf and the baby.” What a lovely, caring statement from someone who’s been through what he put you through. You are correct, you’re all going to be okay.
❤ You are an amazing woman Anne, full of inner strength and compassion. I'm glad that you're starting to feel better.
Big Hugs Anne. Just catching up on your blog. I’m so sorry that you have been going through this. But I know that you are strong, and good, and will be better than fine xoxo
Dear Anne, I am sorry he’s done this to you. But I’m believing you will rise above and come out stronger. You are an amazing person. Don’t ever forget that. All my love.
Thank you.
I’m beginning to think he’s done this to himself and I’m just distancing myself from the fallout.
It’s hard to not miss the familiarity of him.
Change is never fun.
Once you get past the point of feeling “you lost, he won” to “you won, he lost”, life becomes so much easier. It just takes time but sounds like you are approaching this. You are a strong and amazing woman but it’s okay to cry from time to time. In fact, it’s necessary. And now a child will be born that will be a part of your family whether you like it or not. Embrace the innocence of the little one and welcome he/she. They haven’t picked the situation they are coming into. Help your own kids to embrace their sibling and continue to move through your grief and loss privately or with us. Craig has taken the turmoil of his life to his new situation, leaving you room to really breathe. I hate to say it’s a possibility the new woman is trying to “anchor” Craig. That is sad if true. She will always be worried about you if so and that may be difficult. You can help create peace to the whole process by not falling down to their level.
Anne. I really don’t have words. Just love from here in Minnesota.
xo
Wendy
Hi Anne. Craig is consistent in his ongoing fuckery. I hope you and the kids can get to the point where you know that none of this is about or because of you. Craig is deeply and pathologically unhappy and looking for new shit all the time to throw into his bottomless pit of need. Mark my words and remember them when he starts family #3 at age 70. We shed our lives like skin and someday this will be your former life. ❤ and 🧁
I suddenly feel optimistic and forward looking. The past week things seem to have settled and I realize I have a clean slate ahead of me to write whatever I want on it.
I see his behaviour. A small part of me wants to help him. That part is slowly accepting I couldn’t fix him and it’s now absolutely not my job to.
The fact it hurts the kids is my big hurdle, but both of them are beginning to articulate and work through that. It’s actually amazing to see them grow.
Take care! I miss you!
That is so true. Coming from someone who had many lives…got myself into a good one.
You will be surprised at how kids figure this stuff out. They will forgive him or not. They will develop a relationship with him or not, it’s up to them and they will get it worked out.
Miss you!! We ended up not having a get together this year but definitely planning for next year so I will keep you in the loop.
I know this is late but, wow! I’m sorry. I know when I first found out Jerry Lee and Harley had married it was… weird. Kind of like you say- the final recognition that everything is really over and a completely different life is being lived. I don’t even know how to explain it because in my case I didn’t care. I wasn’t holding out hope we would reconcile or that he would ask for forgiveness. I was very happy with the Mobster. But it still left a hollow feeling. I would imagine finding out he’s having a baby with someone else would have been even tougher.
Then again, like you say, 8 years from now you’ll be retired and he’ll either be at hockey games and parent teacher conferences, or he’ll be a weekend dad to yet another kid. Either way you win.
I do win…but my heart still hurts for my kids who had a dad who seemed interested and involved for 16 years and is now gone.
I know they will be ok. I am just overwhelmingly sad for them today.
I totally get it. My kids are in the same boat. No new bio kid but he’s playing super daddy to his stepkids.