I believe that much of our suffering results from the meaning we give things. Meaning that has no read basis. It is subjective. As things change, the meaning changes.
Today is my 20 year wedding anniversary. Of course, craig and I are well on the way to getting divorced and there will be no celebrating.
I wondered this morning if I should feel more sad. The past 6 months have been filled with a wide range of emotion from excruciating heartbreak to anger, disappointment to self confidence. I embrace the liberation of being in charge with no one else to accommodate.
It is earth shattering to have the person you love choose to betray you. It is a huge blow to one’s ego. It opens the door to questioning my worthiness and my value. Is something wrong with me that he would hurt me so badly?
Bu in the end it is him hurting himself. I choose to remove myself from the drama.
I have moved on with rebuilding a safe and supportive life for myself and my kids. We have changed up the house. We have created new routines. They help more. Which is new as until this all happened in November we have had a live in nanny for 15 years. None of us are good at taking care of the house! Lol
The pets continue to multiple. There is now a fish, mouse, hamster, rabbit, bird, bearded dragon, snake and a leap arc gecko. Whew!
Part of me is still sad for the old Craig. He is missing out on so much. But I have to let go of my sympathy for him. He has his path. I am walking my own. Some day he will just be somebody that I used to know….but not yet, obviously, as even writing that makes me sad…
My hope is that next June 5 I don’t even notice the date.
So I am good. Finding myself. Absolutely still sober and grateful for that every day as I chauffeur kids around and keep things as sane as possible.
Stillness and peace