I just wanted to pop in and say I am doing ok. I took control of one aspect my life and bought myself a car for Christmas! A Lincoln MKC. It’s black. Definite retail therapy.
It was way past due. May 13 year old Sienna has given me more than I ever expected.
Cheating husband is still gone. We have a semi amicable relationship now. My heart is broken, which is what happens when the rug is pulled out from under you when you least expect it, but I am seriously enjoying having the bed to myself and only cooking what I want eat…I focus on the things that make me happy. It’s amazing how much there is when you think about it. C has given me a stuffy to sleep with. lol
A friend brought me a bottle of wine the other day. I laughed and made her take it away with her. 5 years and I know that part of my personal self care plan is to have an alcohol free house. I like the security. Protecting myself is always a good choice.
I am moving slowly, but with mine and my kids best interests at heart. This is my time to really ask myself who I want to be…who I really am.
I am contemplating my word for 2019. I am not sure what it should be. But I know it will come!
Stillness and peace
38 thoughts on “Check in”
So sorry to hear you have been going through such an awful time. How interesting to see that being alcohol free means your probably able to reflect so clearly on what you do and don’t want. I can’t wait to see what 2019 brings xxx
Yes. Sober is an absolute necessity when dealing with devastating news…
Wishing you continued stillness and peace.
Hi Anne. My marriage has ended too. My husband didn’t cheat but was horrible to me for a very long time. I too love having the bed to myself and life is generally much calmer. But it’s still sad at times and heart breaking for the kids – although they are less upset for themselves than I Am! I often read your posts and was jealous of your relationship with your husband as mine was so crap. You must feel totally betrayed by him and what he has done to you is unforgivable. I hope you have lots of people surrounding you telling you what a pig he is! Look after yourself and your kids and take one day at a time – i still can’t look at the bigger picture! We separated in April then I had to find a full time job and a new house as he bought me out of the house we were in (he’s a doctor so can afford the mortgage and I can’t). So I’ve done it and I’m out with my children and we are trying to muddle through. I didn’t love him anymore so it’s been possible. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must be for you but you will come through this and come out of the other side a stronger person (even stronger!!!). Take care xxx
I am sorry for your pain. I feel completely betrayed. I never had one inkling of this…and we were as happy and friendly as ever.
That said, I know he is completely screwed up and this is another self destructive behaviour. But this one hurt me and the kids badly. Unacceptable.
He is a pig. lol I must remember that when I feel sorry for him. Because i do. He lost the best family ever.
Hugs to you. Going on your won is scary, but abuse is unacceptable. We will thrive!!!!
I still worry about my husband and his well-being even though we’re not together. My family and friends keep telling me not to and that I must focus on myself. So I say the same to you. He has chosen to do what he has done. Look after yourself Anne and remember that he has done this not you. He’s a fool!
I keep thinking my word of the year for 2019 might have to be me.
I don’t want to sound selfish, but I think I need the reminder that I need to put myself first.
I don’t want any of this. I hate change. But you are right. He did this. I choose how I respond. I can’t change what happened.
Best to you in the coming year.
Glad you checked in. Yay for taking care of yourself! Glad friend took wine bottle home with her. Glad you’ve been given stuffy. Take care and let us know what 2019’s word is 🙂
Wishing for brighter days ahead for you in the New Year. Thanks for the tip to give wine gifts back. Makes perfect sense. I plan to do the same from now on.
Self preservation. It is always best to be over cautious….
You are in my thoughts Anne; I wish you had not had to endure this experience but I congratulate you for your calmness and quiet optimism. May 2019 bring you serenity and happiness. Lily xxx
Thank you Lily. I wish so too. It is shattering…but I know I will be ok.
Sending you love and prayers in these difficult times. Glad to hear from you – I have been thinking of you. Xxx
“ME” nothing selfish about that word! I too have experienced that type of betrayal and it’s earth shattering-especially to those of us that would never conceive of doing something like that. To get through it, you have to go through it. Doing it consciously and soberly is the best way to begin to heal-whenever that begins. I wish you the best and send a big hug!
Anne, I have nothing relevant or enlightening to add, but just wanted to pop by and say thank you for your writing and your positive comments on the posts of others. I wish you strength, peace and happiness in this holiday time and always.
All the best for a happy, healthy and sober 2019 💜
I have been separated for years now after I left a cheating abusive arsehole (no bitterness here lol). But the thing I am still enjoying is just finding the real me and I wish that for you for 2019 because the real you is a beautiful, caring person. YAY about the car, now that is awesome!! XOX
New car sounds great! Hope 2019 does truly bring you some stillness and peace…you deserve it. 🌻
Anne, good to hear from you. I read/hear something new in your post: someone who has found her core, something decisive, something new, someone really really taking care. Without forgetting how difficult and painful this all must be I would like to say: I really like this new (or perceived as new?) stuff popping up.
Wishing you all the best, babysteps can help as you told me once, well 4 times over I think?
Thank you. I do feel stronger, if sad.
It’s hard to shift one’s perspective so quickly…but I know I need to keep taking care of me…
Yeah, sadness and building up strength often go together. 😦 But they can, because these feelings can exist next to eachother.
Hugs, and BIG hugs for New Year’s eve. I somehow feel 2019 is going to be a good year for you. Seeds planted long ago get a time to grow and blossom. It feels like you will become complete within yourself instead of half with another. If that makes sense?
Big big big big hugs, Feeling
Omg your comment is unbelievably perfect.
I was just telling my sister (via text as she lives in england) that I think that my word of the year this year will be bloom!
You will ❤
Oh, Anne…I’m so sorry. Hell yes to the car, though! I’m glad you posted and are doing well (under the circumstances). It’s good to hear/read your voice. : )
Anne, you are such a sober rockstar “My friend brought me wine. I laughed and made her take it with her”. Sooo many sober people would have contorted themselves trying to figure WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE WINE?? Do I take it and then give it away?? Do I tell them I don’t want it and risk hurting their FEEEEELINGS?? No, we laugh and say “get that shit out of my house”. Enjoy your new car, you deserve that and every good thing:)
My 15 year old son offered to take it. He’s curious about drinking…I told him now was not the time to start!
NEVER is the time to start. My son turned 21 this year and now drinks socially with his friends. By the way he describes what he drinks it sounds like he really doesn’t like that much but is a part of the group.
The drinking age is 18 here…I know. Never sounds good!
I’ll never forget finding out that my husband was cheating. It was as if the air pressure suddenly dropped, and my heart just started beating out of control. It was one of the few nights of my life when there was no way I was going to sleep, not even for a few minutes. Devastating. I’m sorry anybody anywhere ever has to experience something like that.
It took some time to recover, but I’m now so much happier. Remarried and seven-year anniversary today. Only in hindsight can I see that it all worked out for the best. So glad you’re hanging in there. ; )
Much love, Shawna
Yes. I have never had everything compress into tunnel vision quite so drastically. It was honestly like a movie. Much more hurtful than I could have ever anticipated. Thank you for sharing that. It’s comforting (but heartbreaking) to know how I feel is not unusual. Why don’t people think?! Selfishness…such pure selfishness.
I will definitely take lots of time.
Oh Anne, I am so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Sometimes I honestly feel as though life can be like a slingshot, pulling us back into the dark only to project us further ahead into the light. you have provided so much light and encouragement for everyone on here over the years, and I think about you often as you made a huge impact on me during my early sobriety. Sending you good warm thoughts across the prairies.
Have you read Chump Lady? Great blog, priceless when that rug has been pulled out from under you by a cheating spouse!
I have found chump lady and am trying really hard to believe he sucks! It’s an awesome resource.
The pain of betrayal is excruciating. I never expected this…I wouldn’t have believed it.
But addiction was also brutal and I survived that so far.
I’m not letting a cheater take that away.
this post is gorgeous….
Sending hugs your way