Yesterday was my birthday.

I am 47.

I don’t like birthday much. There is some unwritten expectation that the day will be special, which I don’t really like, and then disappointment when it’s not.

If life hadn’t changed I would have flown to Calgary to meet craig and gone to see Three Days Grace for a whirlwind weekend away.

But, instead, I went to yoga. I felt sorry for myself. I was lonely. My bruised heart hurt.

And then an old friend arrived with ice cream and cake and pizza and love. She brought understanding and prayers.

By the time she left I was back to centre. I am ok. Things are totally screwed up and stressful, but I am ok and my 2 awesome kids are ok.

I am getting used to living alone with the kids. I’m sleeping in the middle of the bed and eating what I like.

I’m am hopefully for another year. Whatever it brings.

Stillness and peace,


17 thoughts on “Birthday

  1. Anne!!! I am so sorry, I missed a crucial sentence in your last post – about you and your husband separating. Whatever the wishes and reasons it must be a very strange and confusing time. And everything of course (I find) is magnified on your birthday. I’m not a fan of mine personally. This year’s sucked but it came and passed. As they do.
    I’m so glad a friend came round and you did some yoga.. the little things. Sending you belated birthday wishes, even tho I don’t like mine I love others – celebrating the amazing people in my life, like you. And hugs, many hugs xxx

  2. Happy belated birthday, Anne! Sounds like a lovely low key day. I am also one of those people who don’t care to celebrate birthdays (mine in particular). Growing up in post war England there was no money for birthday celebrations so we never had one. Back then even regular food was rationed well into the 1950s. Consequently being fussed over on my birthday makes me uncomfortable. Since quitting drinking even more so having passed my first sober birthday last summer. Thanks for sharing. Stay hopeful you are not alone! x

  3. Happy birthday! As I read this, I can really feel the reflective and slightly sad and thoughtful mood of – what an amazing woman you are, to view things with such clarity. It’s a massive change and no doubt heartbreaking too, and always unsettling to find a new way of navigating life when we lose a compass or a rudder and need to figure out new ways. I have no doubt you will find your way and come out even stronger for it and as sombre as this post is, it also shows amazing clarity and strength. I’ll be cheering you on all the way, you’re an inspiration. Lots of love, Anna xx

  4. Happy birthday, Anne! You are so young! So wise for being only 47. Stay strong and keep feeling the support from the blogosphere. You are much loved and needed here.

  5. Fierce prayers for you, Anne, in this quite challenging spot of life… and Happy Birthday from one who at best vaguely remembers his 47th such event. Things are much clearer now after nearly 9 years of sobriety… but even now I certainly don’t want to put the proverbial cart before the infamous horse. I guess we both still have that ‘one day at a time’ thing working for us. Be blessed, kiddo.

  6. Belated birthday blessings. I find I get down the rabbit hole some moments but always—when I pay attention—I feel God’s Love in so many beautiful ways. Why is it so hard to remember we are loved? LOL. Lisa

  7. Birthdays are a good reminder to choose what I like to do. Do I want to travel on my Birthday? Do I want to eat special food? I have come to learn that I don’t really want someone else to “guess” what would make me happy. (Tho your girlfriend did great!!) My many many quiet birthdays have shown my kids that birthdays can just be a calm quiet restorative day. I went WAY overboard when they were little overcompesating for what I called a broken family. (Still do a bit at Christmas as reflected by my last year’s meltdown!) As I watch them come home from dad’s house and need to decompress, I am thankful that I am the quiet home. Or maybe I should say the home with ‘stillness & peace’ . Guess who I learned that from!

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