Peter, Frank, Larry and Norman

Fall is ticking by. My child has gone to grade 8 and we are making it work. My son is in grade 10and is getting more handsome every day! He was talking about university thei week. Yikes! Where does time go!

We continue to add to our pet collection. We now have a rabbit, a mouse, who c rescued from being eaten at the pet store, a beta fish and a baby ball python! All these pets encourage c’s caregiving side. It is quite amazing how pets calm a person.

Otherwise life goes on. My kids mentioned one day that I don’t seem to have any friends…and I paused. Honestly, I don’t really like being around people that much. I have many many friends who I meet for coffee or lunch or even online. But I don’t want people sitting on my couch.

Craig and I were very social as drinkers. There’s nothing like being the hosts. It means no driving and no restrictions on booze. It worked well for us, but it was always tiring. I guess I had my fill from those years. We rarely invite anyone to our house. It’s our sanctuary. I am comfortable enough to go to most places alone. I am rarely lonely.

Plus, craig is fun. We like sports and enjoy concerts and can have a pretty intense discussion on Aa and addiction. He’s the only friend I need right now.

I also have 2 teens. Although they aren’t exactly my friends, I am perfectly willing to indulge in their interests and enjoy myself. This weekend we met both the 10th and the 11th doctors AND we saw the Book of Mormon. Even the 5 hour drive there and back, and the snowfall in Edmonton, couldn’t take the shine off this weekend!

In the car c told me that sometimes when she was younger and people were over drinking it scared her. She didn’t like the noise or the unpredictability. She is thankful both craig and I no longer drink and are available and attuned to her needs.

It was a good moment. Although it stirred up some guilt from those years, it also reminds me that I was suffering then. Depression, alcohol. I was barely coping as I tried to look like a functioning adult. Open communication is the only way to heal those old wounds.

I realize that these past almost 5 years are a gift. I treasure that every day.

Thank you all for continuing to support me on the journey.

Stillness and peace


25 thoughts on “Peter, Frank, Larry and Norman

  1. So happy to hear from you!
    Time really goes so fast!
    I used to love parties when I was drinking, now much happier to meet a friend for coffee for an hour.
    And like you, Keith and I have fun together!
    It’s great that your children are able to be open about their feelings. Communication is so important.
    Congratulations on your almost 5 years Ann! You are a blessing to the whole world!

    1. nearly 2 years here too and I agree there are times I think back with guilt of what I put my family through. However every day I strive to be better than I was yesterday and the wonderful times we have had as a family, have hopefully had a chance to.make amends. lovely to see you are doing so well xx oh and I’m going to be a granny!!

  2. Wow. Thank you for sharing – it’s like taking a peek into the future. And the present with regard to not having friends. Introverted by nature, I love my home being my sanctuary. Love this post.

      1. Yes!!!! Exactly that. Just because I need time away from people doesn’t make me somehow wrong, just wired differently. I wonder how many introverts use/abuse alcohol because of that. I know I did.

  3. “We rarely invite anyone to our house. It’s our sanctuary. I am comfortable enough to go to most places alone. I am rarely lonely.” Kindred spirit of mine Ann. Congrats on your coming #5. And the peace you’re words radiate.

    1. Compared to how our home life was 5 years ago it is amazing.

      I think back and try to remember if I was ever happy before. I know i was never content, at least not in the last few years of drinking. I knew deep down I was slowly killing myself, but I didn’t care.

      It scared me.

      Being free from that dread is such a relief.

  4. I’m with you Anne, we used to entertain all the time and now I really don’t like it at all. I’m much happier to go out and then come back to my sanctuary when the party kicks into high gear.I have had a few talks with my adult children about my drinking days and while there’s a little guilt, we have focused more on how I fixed the problem. They are so proud of me and I have shown them that its possible to change the story and to keep growing and learning. When I am giving them Mom advice, they know I have “walked the walk”. Through your recovery,you and Craig are showing your kids how to navigate life’s challenges and the lessons won’t be lost on them.

    Day 817

  5. Peace and contentment, you’ve shown how remarkable those two words make life so much more beautiful. It’s inspiring. x ~ also known as Lia

  6. I’m with you. I don’t really have friends either,, I’ve got “telephone” friends, online friends but I just don’t have the desire to go out and socialize. It bothered me for awhile, but it’s how I am…and it’s ok…comfortable in our skin.
    Thanks for posting.

    1. We really like it.
      I’m more tired too. But I am 46. I work full time, have kids and teach/practice yoga every day.
      So I guess it’s normal tiredness.
      Coffee and red bull are staples in my life.

  7. It’s weird. All that time as “life of the party” and I wasn’t really having fun at all. Our house was open house. It’s so much nicer now, less chaotic. I like seeing your pet posts (and the Doctors) xx

  8. I know what you mean about the regret, the only way I can stomach it is by reminding myself that the way only way I can make up for those times is by remaining sober today. Your kids are lucky to have sober parents xxx

  9. I’m the same! Whilst I have a bunch of close friends, I’ve always preferred solitude or the more quiet scenarios – I guess I’m not a flock animal. Sure, I spend time with friends but spread out over a month it’s barely into single digits… Each to her own. I also love what you say about your home being your sanctuary, it’s spot on! Amazing that you’re nearly at five years!! Congratulations in advance! I’m approaching one year and sobriety is the best thing I ever did for myself as well as for those who love and need me – your lines around the guilt over how things were hit me in solar plexus but the past is the past and we can only do our best to ensure the future is brighter. Big hugs, Anna

  10. Thanks for the lovely post! I’ve been MIA from the sober blog circuit due to my new job, which is time-consuming but I love it. Science will always be my mistress! I was so happy to see a post from you while catching up on blogs.

    I was super social when I was a drinker, too. I loved hosting dinner parties, brunches, going to restaurants with drinking friends, etc. Now I am like you. I love how you said “I don’t want people sitting on my couch!” I can completely relate. I socialize at work, there are many funny and interesting folks. I go have tea with them sometimes. I text with my old friends from California. But my home, like yours, is my carefully guarded sanctuary. It’s my safe spot full of dogs and pillows and tea and baths and other comforting things, and my best friend in the world (by boyfriend) and his lovely 14 year old daughter lie there. Teens can be tough, but they can also be a lot of fun. I’m so grateful she is in my life. I’m glad things seem like they are settling down for c. I know it hasn’t been easy. And you guys went to see the Book of Mormon?! SO JEALOUS!!!

    xoxo J

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