So, how is your Monday?

It’s Monday. How was your weekend?

Are you sitting at your desk wishing the weekend had gone differently? Puffy, tired looking and maybe slightly hungover still?Angry with yourself that you drank AGAIN. That all your plans for not drinking, going to the gym and eating healthy went out the weekend as soon as someone offered you a glass of wine?

Because, hey…you deserve it. You work hard and volunteer and take care of everyone else and give give give. A little wine is your treat. It’s not like you are an alcoholic drinking on a park bench. You are ok. You are fine.

I remember so many Monday’s like this. My resolve to quit drinking/moderate would be strong. My anxiety would be high. My hands would be puffy and I looked old. And I felt oh so tired.

But then Friday would roll around and I would feel better and the call to drink would be strong. Everyone else drinks. It’s FUN. life is meaningless without fun….Plus, my husband drank, so screw it. I will too. I have a job, House, nice kids, expensive trips.

And so the cycle continues. Drink, regret, drink, regret. With lots of days of not drinking in there, showing myself I didn’t have a problem. It crushed my soul. All that denial and lying to myself.

The alternative is quite amazing, simple but hard. It requires you to not drink today…and to repeat that same cycle indefinitely. You don’t need to think about it too much. Just say no whenever the option of drinking comes up.

If it’s hard, find some help. Maybe the help is online and you make a plan to avoid social situations for a while and cocoon in your house and let yourself begin to heal.

If that doesn’t work maybe you seek out Aa and suck it up and swallow your pride and go see what they offer. You will be welcomed and you may just find a deep connection to others that you have been searching for all your life.

Or maybe you call an addictions therapist and consider outpatient or inpatient treatment. Treatment is not just for the “worst” drunks. It can be the break a person needs to get an otherwise successful life back on track. And it is a huge brave show of self compassion.

And then one day you will realize life is truly more fun sober. Your kids will have a newfound respect for you, your work performance might improver, or, if not, you might just like your job more. Things will seem simpler. Maybe you will find a new outlook on life and will realize that alcohol might have been fun in your 20s, but a drunk middle aged woman (or man) is not cute or attractive.

And then weekend can be spent have real fun. I spent this past weekend with my daughter at a comic expo. She loves all that and I was there to help her explore her passion. Warning…she’s creepy.

So. My Monday is awesome. Yes, I am at work. Yes, I may have eaten way too much crap this weekend. But I am sober, clearheaded and looking ahead with optimism.

You can too. End the cycle of addiction today. Take a hard step.

Stillness and peace


36 thoughts on “So, how is your Monday?

  1. Rock on, Anne! You are living proof that sober isn’t boring and that no one needs to drink, ever. Thanks for your post! 💜💜💜

  2. Congratulations that is amazing you got this! It’s funny about AA, you mentioned you can “swallow your pride”. At first I thought well that’s a funny thing to say and then I remembered. I remember the first time I went to an AA meeting with my soon-to-be ex-wife. It was at least 11 or 12 years ago. But I distinctly remember sitting down and being so angry. Sitting there in the chair watching some guy get his one-year cake. Thinking to myself why am I here these people are a bunch of losers,just say no, don’t have another drink. It took awhile but I finally realized AA can work. You have to grab ahold of the 12 steps and work it hard. Just like anything. It’s not going to work if you don’t work it. I’ve seen so many “Backseat Baptists” at a meeting, they sit in the back and do nothing— there there because the court ordered them or their significant other wanted them to go. And I’ve also seen it turn into a hookup place, people are just meeting other people. But it can work. Congratulations. I love what you said it really is quite simple in, I guess I shouldn’t even say that cuz I don’t understand I’ve never had the struggle. But it is simple, you can drink whenever you want just not today and you do that everyday.
    One day at a time…

    1. I don’t like the word pride and I thought changing that, but in the end, for me, it’s true.
      I had to accept I was like everyone else, no better and no worse….

      I cherish my sobriety. It has given me back my life….

      1. What a powerful profound statement. To have your life back truly Priceless. I’m driving to a softball game right now to watch my daughter. (I’m talking to my phone so I can blame all the punctuation and spelling errors on the phone.) I’m driving alone my STBX wife still not sober. I don’t think she’ll ever realize that she lost her kids, lost her family, all for a bottle. I think her mind is to far gone to understand. Your family is truly blessed to have you back. I’m happy for you and your family and maybe just a little jealous…

      2. What a powerful profound statement. To have your life back truly Priceless. I’m driving to a softball game right now to watch my daughter. (I’m talking to my phone so I can blame all the punctuation and spelling errors on the phone.) I’m driving alone my STBX wife still not sober. I don’t think she’ll ever realize that she lost her kids, lost her family, all for a bottle. I think her mind is to far gone to understand. Your family is truly blessed to have you back. I’m happy for you and your family and maybe just a little jealous…

      3. I am so glad I realized I needed to change when I did.
        And my husband is sober too.
        It is a true blessing. One I never ever expected.
        I am so sorry you have had that experience. Addiction is cruel. And the self hate that comes with it sometimes traps people in their own hell.
        Hug. Your daughter is lucky to have you.

  3. This is spot on! Today marks 7 weeks for me without drinking and the days are way better. I even went to work early today. On a Monday no less. The Drink/Regret cycle you refer to was my reality. Every damn day whether I drank the night before or not. I was always puffy faced and irritable. I am happy to be alcohol free which really translates as ‘free from alcohol’. Great post.

  4. I had a great Monday! Day 669, up early after a great night’s sleep. This was not always the case for me. I faced day after day of all the same consequences and as you said Anne, something had to change. It didn’t matter that it was my birthday or a holiday or my favourite drink or I was nervous about an event. I just did not drink, anymore, no matter what. It was really quite easy once I accepted that alcohol was completely out of the picture for me. Period. Best decision I ever made. If you’re out there struggling, grab onto these blogs and just keep at it, Anne knows what she’s talking about. 🌻

  5. Great post! I love Mondays too these days. This thought is so important: “It’s not like you are an alcoholic drinking on a park bench.” For years I could point to these people as evidence that I wasn’t really drinking that much. I still had a job, though I didn’t perform all that well and called in “sick” too often. I found out, however, that most people struggling with addiction are just like me. They are my neighbors and friends.
    Thanks, Anne. 😀

  6. I am at that very low cycle of thinking this will never end. I can go weeks or months then 3 or 4 days of drinking around the clock. I feel a bit hopeless today. No booze for 5 days

  7. Hi Anne. Awesome post! This part resonated with me:
    If it’s hard, find some help. Maybe the help is online and you make a plan to avoid social situations for a while and cocoon in your house and let yourself begin to heal.

    That is exactly what I did. I asked my wonderful husband to help me which he did. He even quit drinking to support me. That same day I scheduled a Dr. appt. and confided in her. Huge relief! I also lurked and read lots of blogs daily.
    Reaching out was the hardest and best thing I ever did. Monday was Day 90! And I’m back to feeling healthy, running regularly (hangover free) and enjoying my grandchildren without thinking about the next drink. Sober living is freedom! My only regret is not reaching out sooner. Many thanks to you and all bloggers. I could not have managed this far without you.
    J x

    1. That’s all fabulous! My story sounds almost exactly the same!
      Keep considering new things too. Over the years I have ventured further into the world of recovery and it is amazing. There are so many awesome people.
      Plus, I know understand all the Aa slogans people use in movies, etc.

      90 days is great. Hold on to that momentum!!

      1. Thanks so much, Anne. Think I’m finally stepping out of my comfort zone and into recovery. Hoping that will help keep the momentum going. I recently survived a few firsts without any urge to drink. My biggest challenge was flying home from another state this past weekend without drinking at the airport or on the plane. I think getting through that situation gave me the courage to reach out and post here today. I just love your blog. ☺️
        Blessings! xx

  8. It’s easy to forget how crumby life was when I drank. I absolutely feel recovered from my drinking problem. I have grown to love Monday (very day, really) because I finally see that life is happening “now” … it’s never happening on another day or in another moment. I loved the title of this post. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. ♥ You’ve got me feeling grateful right now.

  9. Yes yes yes! I realized today that I haven’t had a drink for 100 days . And I soooo don’t miss the feeling hungover, saying or doing things that I regretted, or that caused distress or were incredibly risky. I don’t miss the wasted time, night sweats and anxiety among many other obvious alcohol effects.
    I welcome the continued clear mindedness and self-respect. A sense of feeling worth it. I have glimmers of inspiration. Not everything is “better” – The qualities of not being organized or difficulties making decisions are still there. I drink too much coffee, some health issues aren’t necessarily better…..yet, but how I feel about myself IS so much better. I am beginning to trust myself again. Thank you to all of you bloggers… you’ve been a part of my journey. Keep doing what you do cuz there is always someone listening, preparing to take those first steps toward freedom.

    1. You are right. Better takes time….and I also have some traits that don’t serve me, but are part of what makes me me.
      Thank you for that comment. It is nice to know others relate to me.
      100 days is huge. Congrats. Keep doing what works!

      1. Thanks and I appreciate your encouragement! 100 days feels huge but there’s still much to navigate. Including stopping the weight gain😏
        No booze , but more chocolate and carbs . One thing at a time.

  10. Love this post! I still can’t get over how I’m more confident and comfortable in my own skin sober. This is me, take it or leave it. Yes it takes effort, but I don’t wake up with all the shame, guilt, paranoia, black holes of memory. I know this is aimed at people thinking of getting sober but it’s so good to be reminded of how hard it was, the struggle.
    Some of the best people I know are comic con people – high five to your daughter xx

  11. It’s Friday, and I’m so glad I read this today! Another inspiring post to help me navigate the weekends, as Friday and Saturday nights still have a lure for me to drink. Given I’ve gone over a 100 days now, I don’t want to break the momentum, but not having hangovers is the second reason to stay away from the booze. Mornings are so free now. You’re daughter’s make-up is icky! LOL! But I so get it!

    1. Friday for me too and just over 100 days. I know I won’t drink this weekend, but I am so on guard. The change of seasons and many activities Are here that I enjoyed having beer or wine with are here- post hike or gardening, barbecues, porch sitting. How do you do music festivals! This is new territory and I am nervous. Just today I was thinking about my daughters upcoming college graduation. There will be much celebrating AND the grad is in a town that is home to some of the best breweries in the country. I loved a good IPA. I was thinking about maybe I could taste and spit like the taste testers do. Or maybe just smell the different complex flavors. Crazy I know. I do not want the alcohol and it bothers me I’m even thinking this. So now I am researching alcohol free options at the restaurants we will be at, instead of leaving it to chance. Some serve kombucha, which I like, but I know can have traces of alcohol.
      I am looking forward to celebrate her graduation being stone cold sober, but am bothered by the thoughts, And know I will need to have a plan. For this Friday night I’m looking forward to lots of sober blog reading and podcasts. So many insightful people Here- it always helps!

      1. I would not taste and spit. I thought about it long ago…and decided there’s no point tasting if you are never going to drink the beer (for me it was wine). It’s just logical to avoid.

        I find music festivals awesome. I know what’s going on around me so I can enjoy the music and not be afraid I will get lost, fall down etc.
        I find love music invigorating now. Especially loud metal.
        Plus, I see drunks at these things and am SO RELIEVED it’s not me.

        My husband is sober too, so it’s kind of like our thing. We are sober and can drive and life is easy. Even after over 4 years we still marvel at how much more fun we have now.

        Keep making plans for yourself. And really noice how much more enjoyable celebrations are when you can be present and aware. It’s a gift.

      2. I appreciate your thoughts and I realize these alcohol urges are a place for growth I think. Whether it’s social anxiety (I was the “shy” girl) or suppressing an emotion that is hard to deal with, or wanting to heighten positive feelings…there something behind the urge, that can and should be faced, accepted or some unknown thing I can’t Identify just yet at times. Probably loss and grief in there too. I so relate to that idea of relief that I’m not the one plastered!! I look forward to being fully present for my daughter😊
        Having a sober partner must help immensely – it’s weird, my ex is “supportive” of me not drinking, yet it comes across to me as judgemental and sort of finger pointing. I was the problem. Yet, he continues to drink and smoke weed, but doesn’t see it is an issue. That’s just stuff for me to work out and let go of I know. It helps to voice it somewhere!

      3. My best friend told me she was sorry I had a problem early on.
        She’s a heavy daily drinker.
        We don’t see each other much anymore. It’s easy to deflect, but now that I’ve been sober for years, her problem is very obvious.

      4. Got through an emotional weekend for my daughters graduation-quite the spectrum of happy and sad feelings. Allowing myself to feel those and allow myself quite time when needed was the most difficult.
        A mix of alternate beverages was good. Nonalcoholic beer worked out for me in this case but I think I’ll steer clear in the future. I swear that trace amount of alcohol could be felt (a little sleepy). Definitely did not trigger a desire to drink. But I just didn’t feel good.
        Best part was that I remember everything about the day, and could see how idiotic and insensitive drunkenness can be. So glad not me!
        Many thanks for the support!

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