This weekend we ventured outside our normal genre and went to see Jay Z. It was my birthday and craig bought us all tickets…in Edmonton.
It worked out well. Cleo had to see the eye specialist anyway, so we flew down on Thursday.
And we invited my parents to meet us. They drove up and we had hotel rooms on the same floor (not adjoining…not right beside).
This was a big win. A few years ago I decided that Christmas was not a time for visitors and I told my parents they couldn’t come to our house. The last time they did was December 2013. I had just quit drinking. I was stressed, hysterical, embarrassed, depressed. It was a nightmare.
My mom is hard to get along with. Nothing I do ever seems right or good enough. Everything is an underhanded criticism. When I am around her I begin to believe again that something is desperately wrong with me, and if I could just do better/more, be smarter, thinner, nicer, less difficult, less opinionated…sigh. Less me…than she might like me.
Yes. It is hard. And hurtful. And it really is like that. But, of course, if I ever mention it it’s all me. I over react. And in my drinking days I just drowned out the criticism and hurt and feelings of inadequacy with wine.
So. Over the past 4 years of therapy I have found short, neutral ground visits work best for me. I need my own space.
I have considered just not seeing her, but the kids enjoy short visits with their grandparents…although Cleo sees it all exactly as it is and refuses to take any crap from her grandmother. And I feel guilty when I avoid them.
So this weekend we met up and had some visits and did some shopping and played some cards. We celebrated my 46 birthday. We were all pleasant and nice.
Jay Z was fun. Not as much dope smoke as anticipated. Lol. May parents didn’t come to the concert.
4 years of sobriety have helped me find those boundaries while still living my life. I respect anyone who chooses complete avoidance from family who are difficult. It’s a hard decision to make, but a brave one. I am glad I have found a middle ground that works for now.
Life isn’t simple…it’s just much clearer. I am not the problem! And I remember everything.
If you feel obligated by family during the holidays step back and ask yourself what is necessary. What would you prefer. And how can you make that happen. People might not like it, but I know I’m responsible for my own mental health. We all are.
Stillness and peace,