Fall has come. I find this time of year hard. It is darker and darker every day and getting cold. We had some snow, but it melted. Snow will come to stay eventually!
Craig and I travelled to Sacramento to the aftershock festival. Nine inch nails were amazing. The rest of the line up was great too..Izzy, five finger death punch, Halestorm, starset…
The travel was hellacious. Everything that could go wrong did. I didn’t deal well at all. Sigh. I try hard to go with the flow, and am successful sometimes, but I can still be pushed into seeing red. I actually had a moment where I was so mad I thought…if there was a bottle here I might drink it…or if there was a knife I might stab someone…it’s scary to get so caught up in anger, but, instead, of choosing something self destructive I cried. I cried long and hard.
Crying seems like the weak choice, until I actually try it and then I realize just how cleansing those tears were. They were an act of self compassion.
Anyway, I got over it and then spent a few days refilling my clearly empty cup. I went to restorative yoga instead of power flow. I slept more. And I got back to being ok.
And now I have the flu. Lol
I though it was seasonal allergies, but today the cough became a feverand headache and chills. I stayed home for. Work and slept all day. Hopefully tomorrow is better.
As I come up on 4 years of sobriety I realize the rest of my life will be a continuous practice of self compassion and contentment, but then forgetting and freaking out and learning from that experience. That what makes life interesting. Being zen all the time would be stagnant and boring. I know that, even if I still kind of wish it was possible.
I se lots of new bloggers and am missing some who haven’t posted for a while. I hope everyone is well. There is no bad day that drinking couldn’t make worse!
Stillness and peace