Check in

Hi friends.

I keep meaning to write and then all that comes out is a sort of sad, slow whine about travelling too much and feeling like an outsider in my home town…

So I keep breathing, and doing, and remembering what I was up to in May before the evacuation. And things slowly start to feel less disjointed.

I am currently in vegas at psycho Las Vegas. Metal. Alice Cooper and blue oyster cult are headliners, but there are lots of randomn bands. Lots of tattoos and black clothes and head bangers. Lol. Craig and I met some others at the pool party last night and shared a cabana. They were varying stages of completely wasted, but we had fun. 

We are here for 6 days. I am embracing it as my rest. I have purged the house and the garage. I have given bags of clothing and household goods away to people who lost everything. I have restarted teaching yoga. I have resumed my life.

I see others around who did not fare well during the evacuation. Drinkers who slide further into problems. Sober friends who relapsed. All trying to find out how to create a new normal. Without destroying themselves with shame and regret.

It is a heart wrenching thing. And it reinforces my belief in sobriety as the best choice for anyone. We all have stress and trauma. It’s hard to know how each of us will deal with it. But sober provides the foundation to keep moving. Or to start rebuilding. Because I today is the perfect day to begin to live again, especially if you have found yourself floundering.

I’m going to get another tattoo! Because…Vegas!

Stillness and Peace


16 thoughts on “Check in

  1. And naked people in the pool, I’m sure of it! Anne, if anyone can use a vacation it’s you. And you’re right, there is no amount of stress that is made better by drinking. Have fun and keep your pants on in the pool for crying out loud.

  2. Aaaahrrrrr, now Suburbanbetty’s pool vision does not leave my head. Glad I am not ever going to Vegas. 🙂

    Happy to hear YOU on the other hand are enjoying yourself there. 🙂 Ghegheghe, to me this is so contradictionary to my image of you 😀 but I am willing to adjust. Just not to the pool vision. No, no, no, no, no, nooooooo…..

    Uncluttering the house must be so rewarding. Sorry to hear that so many people in your town and area are having difficulty coping. And yes to: there is no problem that does not get worse with drinking. 😦 And also: moan away if you want. You have EVERY right to feel sorry for yourself. Sorry land is not a wonderful place to stay too long. I have experienced that people find it unatractive if one does stay there too long, but I would really like to assure you that you have every right to go there and feel sad, whine, moan, feel and express the pain, the overwhelm, the confusion of and the powerlessness towards what has been and what is happening. Feeling sorry is not a ‘solution’ as such but it is an emotion which has its function; realising that none of it is or was your fault but it still happened to you and your loved ones. That is ‘unfair’, we are not really build (t?) to deal with unfair easily so yes to the feeling sorry for yourself and the online whining when needed. 🙂

    Sending love and hugs and extra dose of sparkly night energy and PM me for tips on what homeopathic stuff you can use to then get rid of the puffyness under your eyes after you revel by night.

    xx, Feeling

  3. It’s good to hear how you’re doing, Anne. I’ve been wondering how things would be once you settled in back home. Good that you know how to look after yourself in the midst of all that trauma. And good that you know since fun is part of doing that. Have fun in Vegas! xo

  4. You probably have an underlying PTSD from the fire, it was a big deal what you went through and you probably have a tumble of differing emotions spinning round but feel that you should be ok because others are worse off. As you tell all of us, be gentle with yourself and reach out if you need a friendly voice. I hope Vegas is awesome and you get the rest you desire (among all that hardcore music) and whether you take the panties on or off route, that is up to you. Love the tattoo.

  5. Uncluttering must be a good feeling. I have so much to do but keep putting it off! I’m glad you are having a vacation. You deserve it after all you’ve been through. Hope you feel more at home when you get back. A x

  6. I can’t imagine what it must be like in Fort McMurray now, as people try to rebuild lives. You’ve been through a trauma. I am grateful that you and your family are well, and that you are able to get away and enjoy yourself in Vegas. You have a big heart. Thanks for sharing this honest update.

    Sometimes, I see friends relapsing or suffering traumatic events and I wonder, “Why them and not me?” Life seems so arbitrary sometimes. I don’t have a reason for it, and sometimes I feel… I’m not sure what it is, maybe shame? Maybe it’s shame that I’m grateful that it’s them and not me? Maybe it’s fear that it could be me? I don’t know if that is something you have experienced. The best I have been able to come up with is that there must be some reason that I am so fortunate and that I am relatively privileged. I must have some purpose to fulfill. Maybe that is why you were relatively spared, so that you could help your neighbors both directly through the good you do, like offering support and giving away old clothes, and indirectly, by living a grounded life, teaching yoga, staying sober, and showing others that these things are possible.

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