I read that on Sober Mommy’s blog and it made me think.
I see many blogger out there who are nearing the 100 day mark and are contemplating moderation, or, perhaps, a few drinks on vacation and then back to sobriety.
I have no sage advice. I have not tried moderation or vacation drinking after a stretch of sobriety. I thought about it, probably at the same 3-4 months.
I wondered at that time if now that I had dealt with my underlying depression, and had become mindful and clearer, and was living purposefully, if I could drink “safely”.
I looked for bloggers with similar stories who shared their experiences, hoping to learn form them. Yet there were none. No bloggers who had found life in sobriety found freedom in moderate drinking. They either returned to the old, complicated, obsessive drinking, or they disappeared…which I assume means the same thing.
So…I weighed my options, which I did back then and continue to do on a regular basis. After all, if 100 days cures alcohol addiction, shouldn’t almost 1000?
I can remain sober, free, happy, still dealing with mental health issues, etc, but feeling like I am living a life of purpose and reason. A life that has allowed me to teach yoga and write a book. A life full of ups and downs, traumatic experiences and unexpected events, but that I try to roll with from my solid, sober centre. A life where I forgo alcohol, never knowing if that is ABSOLUTELY necessary…
Or. I can try drinking. I can have some wine. I can try the new tequila. Maybe it would be ok. Maybe I would be the exception to the rule. But maybe I won’t be, and with this choice I may offer up my happiness, my mental stability, my self worth, my ability to handle change and my stillness and peace. All for a few hours of uninhibited numbness.
When I weigh the options it is pretty clear which wins. The bookstores are full of books on how to find happiness. I have happiness. I’m not willing to risk it for some rotten grapes.
Choose. But choose wisely. Life is too short to spend it sitting on the couch with a glass in my hand, wondering where I went wrong. I tried that already. It sucked.
Stillness and peace