So…I have suffered from anxiety all my life. I didn’t realize that’s what it was until I got sober, but I have been plagued with phobias and panic off an on for as long as I can remember.
In my final drinking days it almost took me down. I was wound up so tight I couldn’t breathe. Any self medicating I was doing with alcohol had stopped working. But I was trapped in the compulsion of alcohol abuse. It was horrible.
Since I got sober I have made many efforts to deal with my chronic anxiety. I take medication. I meditate and practice yoga daily. I fully embrace the yogic path. I follow my gluten free diet as I am celiac. I try to balance stress, obligations and fun. I love my life. I am happy.
But still that heavy ball sat in my abdomen. Its grip was not quite as tight as before, but it was always there, waiting to grow during times of stress, but also if I didn’t eat enough, if I was flustered, if I was embarrassed.
So- I found a dr who uses hypnotherapy to deal with reducing the underlying cause of the anxiety. She take you back to when you first experience anxiety, and attempts to release the underlying beliefs held in the subconscious.
I wasn’t sure how much I believed in this, but I was willing to try.
Using a calm and comfortable relaxation we moved back through my life. Odd memeories of times I felt blamed and full of anxiety. All the way back to being a baby and being Scared to cry for fear of upsetting anyone….
And beyond. To two ancient lives, during which I was trying to help others, trying to change this, and failing.
This intense sense of failure felt like my anxiety. And with her guidance I was able to let it go…to leave it with the past where it belonged. To stop feeling like I had failed. That everything bad that happens is my fault.
It sounds odd. I know. It was unexpected. She did not suggest anything…it just came. And since that day I feel lighter. I feel freer. The ball in my chest is no longer black and sticky.
Whatever happened, it has brought me a sense of peace I have never known.
I go again on Thursday. It is a Two session therapy. I’m excited!
Ps- when I came to yoga it was like coming home. It was familiar. I know it all in my heart.
one of the lives I found was in India. Or I think it was. It all makes sense.
Stillness and peace