Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post.
It turns out that a little extra medication, some more vitamin D and some love from all areas of my life truly have made a difference.
Things feel so much better. My outlook is brighter. Not crazy bright, but I am able to remember that the waves of sadness or despair will pass. That is big for me. When I last posted I was feeling like I was trapped in the wave and that it wouldn’t end. That is a really scary place to be.
As always, it seems telling others how I feel, even if it is unpleasant, helps. When I told my husband I was feeling like I might hurt myself, he told me not to do it until we got our will made. It made me laugh. And it took some of the power away from something I might have otherwise tried to hide, thinking it was a sign of weakness.
Brene brown talks of being vulnerable and authentic. I see no other way to be anymore. Allowing my real face to show means I accept myself. Most of my dis ease comes when I start looking for others to validate or accept me because I don’t. Realizing this has helped me move forward again. When I give up my power to others I erode my self confidence.
Unconditional self acceptable. Being at peace with my beliefs. Trusting and having faith in myself. These are my aspirations. The rest follows from that.
The love I feel here really comforted me. I deeply appreciate it and hope I can return it to all of you whenever it’s needed.
I know love is the most Powerful force. I know sobriety has brought me huge benefits and self awareness. That the darkness of addiction and depression have created within me true compassion and empathy, and I know sharing with others and helping whenever I can is the way to freedom.
Stillness and peace