18 months. On day 1 that seemed like an unachievable milestone. So far in the future that if I ever made it to that point surely I would be fixed and able to drink again.
The sounds crazy just to type. First, I wasn’t broken, I was lost and confused and I thought wine was my friend – helping me make it through my busy and stressful life. Although inside I knew deep down that it was no longer helping me at all.
And able to drink to celebrate my sobriety? After making it that far booze-free that it would be the reward? Insanity.
Instead – it is just another day. Another day of being me, trying to remember that loving myself and others is step one to happiness and peace. Yes, even the idiot who cuts me off in traffic. He gets love and compassion too.
It isn’t always easy. Of course some days I would love to crawl onto the couch with a bottle of wine and sulk. But then what? Perhaps the next day I would want another drink just to take the edge off…
Eventually I would be back hiding from my life in a bottle, all the while believing I had missed my calling and was resigned to live a life of misery. Poor Anne. No one loves her and she is all alone.
Not a chance. 18 months of self awareness and investigation has brought me further than that. Not that I am anywhere near done. I won’t be done until I am dead and hopefully that is a ways away. I have too many idiosyncrasies to work through. lol.
So instead of celebrating with booze I got up this morning and started the day with thank you thank you thank you. I made lunches. I showered and went to work. All with a light heart and a clear mind.
Marveling, as always, that an ordinary life is a miracle. One I want to witness completely.
If you are at the start of your own sober journey I hope you can hear me, even a little. There is freedom to be had a life to be living. Take the step to break the chains of addiction and move towards it.
Stillness and peace