I am taking a meditation class. We meet weekly and meditate for 60-90 minutes. It is guided and in a group of 12.
Last night I almost didn’t go. I have been sick with strep throat since last week. I was tired and cranky. But I went anyway.
We did a chakra clearing meditation last night. I loved it. When we were done I felt brighter and lighter. And I feel better than I have all week. Powerful.
The instructor is giving a reiki training course in a few weeks and I signed up for that too. Reiki, meditation, yoga. All new things for me. Exploring another side of my logical, engineering self.
I see this as a side effect of recovery. Not only am I more open minded, but I am confident enough to try new things that others might scoff at (or that I may have at one time scoffed at). I have always been interested in these more “woo woo” things, but fear and conformity kept me from ever following through with actually doing anything with that interest. That, and lethargy from drinking. I had lots of thoughts back then, but I never took the time to follow through with them. I was just too tired all the time.
Taking a hour once a week to meditate in a group is a gift to myself. Most days I also do an hour of yoga, as well. Yes, I have a job, a family, responsibilities and commitments. But my first commitment is to myself. Recognizing that has moved me out of the rut I had been in for many years.
In that old rut I felt that it was my duty to sacrifice any and all interests I had for the good of my children and family. It suffocated me. I lived in a very small box. And drinking helped keep me prisoner there. Just writing that sounds insane now. How did I ever expect my children to grow up to be strong, independent and conscientious people if their mother didn’t model that behavior???
Quitting drinking helped me see this negative behavior and end it. So many things were wrapped together – depression, drinking, self loathing, apathy. It was not an easy ball to unwind, but I am doing it. I stopped biding my time, waiting on the couch to die. Watching life go by me in black and white.
As part of that unwinding I try to embrace open mindedness and curiosity. Life is in full colour, like the chakra rainbow of my meditation. If something interests me – I do it. Being open minded has led me to making new friends, learning new skills (I never, ever expected to teach yoga), blogging. And I expect it will bring many more challenges and delights.
Have a great sober day!
Stillness and peace