I did an amazing thing last night. I taught my very first yoga class. It was awesome. Not the class, I expect I will do a lot of fine tuning over of that, but the whole experience of sharing something I love with others.
This was a big thing for me. I DO NOT like drawing attention to myself. I hate public speaking. I was actually worrying about teaching when a friend texted me for help. It took my mind off my own fears and filled my heart with joy that she was willing to reach out to me. That someone thought I could be a help to them, as others have been to me along the way. That is an amazing feeling. I went into my class with a full heart. And it carried me through the fear.
Yoga is a vital part of my recovery. It is a place of nurturing and safety. I like hard, hot ashtanga yoga and gentle soft yin yoga. Both give me a chance to connect my mind, body and breathe. To celebrate life. To heal myself and add to the light in the world. I never expected to teach, but an unexpected opportunity presented itself, and I heard myself say yes. I suppose I took teacher training for a reason. I just didn’t know it at the time.
So now I have a weekly yin class. Very basic. Free. I hope to bring the joy of yoga to a few people who might otherwise be intimidated by the studios. We shall see how it pans out!
I recently read Tommy Rosen’s Recovery 2.0. Here, in print, were my thoughts and feelings. Yoga has given me all the gifts he discusses. I also still us a 12 step program. The time I spend listening to others share their deep truth in a completely open and non-judgmental atmosphere is powerful. The 12 steps give a framework for self awareness that I like. But at yoga I have found the transformation from not drinking to living life, sober and fulfilled.
In his book Rosen wishes everyone could know the profound transformation that recovery from addition brings. I agree. All the pain, fear, uncertainty, tears and shame were worth it last night. I feel like I have found something that I had been searching for forever. And it was in me all along.
I ended the class with a Rumi poem that captures my feelings.
“Do you know what you are?
You are a manuscript oƒ a divine letter.
You are a mirror reflecting a noble face.
This universe is not outside of you.
Look inside yourself;
everything that you want,
you are already that.”
I wish us all stillness and peace