I had a drinking dream last night. We were having a party and the wine was flowing and along the way I decided one glass wouldn’t hurt…which turned into many glasses, shots, etc.
I woke up in the dream and thought…I don’t have to tell anyone. I can still celebrate my year at AA in December. I got out of bed and went to the kitchen, full of bottles, and drank again.
I woke up this morning panicked. Was it real….did I drink…??? The relief that it was s dream was overwhelming. Because in the dream I was filled with shame, anxiety and compulsion. Immediately. And I could see that one night would never be it for me. It would just be a return to self-destructive drinking.
I’m thankful for these dreams, even if they do freak me out. Recent days have has a lot of talk about relapse in the sober sphere. The bubble hour had an excellent show a week ago on it. It reminds me that sobriety provides an avenue for self discovery, and that I need to cherish that journey. It deserves time, energy and care. Because it is a fragile thing.
If you have relapsed, or are thinking about drinking, check out the Bubble hour show. The journey is never over. There is no shame is picking yourself up and trying again. I know I did that MANY times before the last time.