There has been a lot of blogging recently about taking a break and drinking again. About moderating. About wanting just one nice glass of wine.
What’s my opinion, you ask, lol…here it is. Take it’s for what it’s worth.
I think if we could moderate, if we could control the amount we drank, when we drank or what we drank, we wouldn’t be writing a sober blog. We would be out doing other things, not thinking about drinking or not drinking. Not blogging about our attempts to find an escape from addiction. Because that is what this is. The inability to control the amount we drink is addiction. Period.
That one glass of wine you really want, because it tastes so delicious and goes so well with dinner….what if I told you there was an alcohol free alternative that tastes EXACTLY the same? Would you be willing to accept the alternative? The truth is, most of us are kidding ourselves that we only want to enjoy that one glass. We do not want the alcohol free substitution because it doesn’t numb us and let us drift away to a place where we have no worries or cares. Even though we know that is just an illusion, and the worries and cares will be waiting, along with regret, shame and anxiety, in the morning.
Overcoming addiction is both simple and difficult. Simple. DO NOT DRINK. Difficult. DO NOT DRINK. It requires, work, effort, help and time. Addiction is a sneaky and dangerous disease.
I think of it like extreme dieting. At one time I did a very restrictive diet. It allowed almost no choices. You ate their food. Period. It worked very well for weight loss. And when you were doing it, and believing in it, it was easy. No thinking required.
But mess around with it, cheat…it was one of the hardest things in the world to restart. The mind is crafty. It lulls you into thinking – I did this before, I can do it again. But that is a hard thought to overcome. You are forever undermining yourself with plans to start again tomorrow. Don’t we all know about starting again tomorrow? I had a million day ones. I don’t want another one.
Primrose at Taking a new path has it right. If you have some sober time and are thinking a glass of wine would be an excellent idea. IT ISN”T.
Thereis a whole life of freedom, peace, self acceptance and joy waiting for you. But every drink pushes it further away.
ainsobriety 
As one who has had many many attempts at moderation – well said! I have been successful moderating – for a while – on many occasions. And then I am not and the guilt remorse anxiety all are back in spades!
It’s those successful moderation times that lull us into drinking.
I like your blog! I’m following your journey!
I spent years ‘moderating’ and was never any good at it! I agree that if you got sober you have done the hard part, and it’s dangerous to now think you can drink like a ‘normal drinker’ just because you have had some sober time. Sadly my experience tells me even the best intentions lead to resuming drinking at the same or higher level than before…within weeks. Much as I’d love that glass of wine, or pint in the sun. One is never enough.
I don’t know about you, but my one glass has an invisible string attached to it, and on the other end of that string is a dump truck filled with hangovers, bullshit, shame, wasted money, bad health and a host of other crappy things. My one glass is an illusion, carefully crafted by my disease to lull me in. Besides, I have already consumed more than 20,000 glasses of wine in my life. That’s enough! 😉
Yikes. Part of me didn’t want to read your post, as I know you are right. I am so so so tempted to try and go back to moderation, even though I know that it’ll put me right back where I started. Help! Annie x
What can I do to help?
Feel free to email me at ainsobriety@gmail.com!
Otherwise, I so wish I could bottle up how I feel now about sobriety and share it with you. The relief. The realization that I have a life. The peace of mind.
The deep belief that drinking even a little would take that all away.
Anne
Wow, so well said! Thanks!
Thank you for this! I’m on Day 11 and have been fighting the urge to have just one. One with dinner. One at happy hour. I’ve won the battle so far, but it’s getting harder and harder. Your tough love approach really put things into perspective for me. Thank you, thank you!
I don’t want to be tough. But addiction doesn’t fight fairly and sometimes the only way through it is to fight for yourself.
Looking back fighting through that uncertainty was the kindest gesture I have ever made to myself.
Amen.
Amen. You said it. I’ve seen a lot about moderating too and just cringe thinking just how hard these folks are making it on themselves. Not drinking is challenging, but moderating is RIDICULOUSLY HARD. For me anyway. Thanks for your posts!
Hear hear! Love every word. xx
Great post. You are so right, if we could moderated, we would be normies. We wouldn’t be here or in the rooms of AA.
As they say in AA, whenever I am tempted, I play the scenario to the end. I have no idea how long it would it take me to get back to a bottle a night if I tried to moderate, but it wouldn’t be long.
It took me too long to get here, I do not want to go back, not ever again.
Yup. It’s easier to have none than have one. And people who find it easy to have only one seem to speak a different language than I do – we don’t understand each other! So I’m sticking with none.
You really spoke to me with this post. Thank you.
Analie
Great post! Question: what is your opinion on Non alcoholic alternatives- I.E. O’Doul’s, etc?
There is a lot of opinion out there. I can only comment on what works for us.
My husband drinks odouls. He likes the taste and it fills his desire to “have a beer with the guys” after hockey, at golf, etc. it makes him happy.
I am gluten free, so I have had some mock tails, etc. to be honest, although I try to eat like a normal person, drinking calories has always been challenging. I drank vodka water for a long time. Carb free. Low cal.
So I hate wasting calories on fruity mock tails that I don’t love. And fake wine really is yucky.
I do not get triggered by them at all. But over the last year if my drinking I wasn’t really drinking for the taste. I was drinking to shut off my brain.
My choice is usually pelligrino or green tea.
whoops, thought I’d commented on this! absolute CORKER of a post. you’ve put all the things I was thinking so cogently and coherently without being didactic. fantastic stuff! xx
You are so right. I wish I could do it, but I just can’t. It makes me sad to think about, but living hangover free is really nice.
I gave moderation a good college try – 27 years actually. How’s that for determination? I think it’s pretty sad actually, that the thing I have worked hardest at, in my entire life, was civilized drinking. After decades of repeated attempts, with the same results, I finally realized that alcohol was running (and ruining) my life, and it had to stop. I simply can’t drink alcohol. It doesn’t agree with me. I’m allergic to it. I obsess over it. I’m a mess when I drink. It’s actually a huge relief just admitting it, and moving on without the booze, blackouts, humiliations, hangovers, and another lost day in the string of days that make up my life. Life is better in recovery! Great post!
Moderation for us (those of us for whom moderation didn’t work) means we would spend all our time still thinking about our drinking. On what day do I not drink, can’t drink more than this, need to make sure I stop then, had too much last night and need to not drink today, etc…. That’s too much brain space for me.
I think true sobriety means you never have to think about it again!
I’m kinda late to the party here…
Anyway, I read a post once by someone in the sobersphere who keeps a single tiny 187ml bottle of wine in her fridge. This is literally one glass.
She keeps it there so when the “one glass won’t hurt” voice pops into her head, she can go have her one glass if she really wants. But she never drinks it, because it forces her to be honest with herself that she never really wants “just one glass.”
Great post Anne 🙂
“what if I told you there was an alcohol free alternative that tastes EXACTLY the same?” That is the perfect question to ask. Because you are so right, I don’t want the taste of wine or the taste of rum in my Diet Coke, I want to be drunk. It’s the beginning of Day 3 for me and I am arming myself with things to say when I try to convince myself that I can drink again. I’m putting that question in the bank.
Day 3 is a great place to be. So much possibility.
Take care of yourself. Move gently.
Anne